Candle Land

There is a stillness in the night that is almost palpable. The glow of the Candles is surreal, and it seems that there is something they are trying to convey to me.

Something through their flickering. Something through the shadows they throw upon the walls. Something that I know already. Something that I have, perhaps, forgotten. Or something that perhaps I have chosen to forget… that something that lingers in the windmills of my mind. But perhaps I can not remember what, because I really have not forgotten it.

The shadows that the Candles throw are truly mesmerising. It seems they are not talking to me anymore, but amongst themselves.

One, the one that stands in the centre, the Green One, seems to be most talkative. She dances in the jar she sits within, and does seem a tad bit restless. She mingles with the others, with her Green melon smell.

The White One on the left (on the Green One’s right), Vanilla, is rather surly. He seems to be just be fulfilling his destiny tonight, … his destiny to burn tonight. He is rather apathetic and disinterested to all that is going on in Candle Land. Not for him the Melon’s gossip, and not for him, the Azure One’s serenity.

Yes, the Azure One is enviably, undoubtedly serene. Calm, with the scent of citrus and lavender, he sits there quietly, absorbing the Green One’s chatter, smiling self-indulgently. Even the White One’s surliness does not affect him.

Together, White, Azure and Green form a compelling story that only they know of, a story they want to share with me. But I don’t think I have the ability to understand Candle Talk. At least, not yet.

However, surprisingly, I am not irritated with my inability to understand the Candle dialogue. It is a dialogue that echoes within the windmills of my wind, and I respond to it. Without understanding it. It’s pure submission, it think, of the purest kind.

Acceptance and with it an understanding… a comprehension of something I may not fully understand, but something that I derive comfort – dare I say joy? – from.

Ad Bad

Oh God,

I have been working on two ads for more than a week now.

And still haven't finished.

I am not a CREATIVE person, perhaps.

My creativity ends with making a raspberry jam sandwich, and a cheese-and-tomato sandwich.

Besides, if the sandwiches taste so good, who gives a shit about copy writing? :)

Hoping for Spring

Technically speaking, spring begins on March 20 with the Spring Equinox and ends on June 21 at the Summer Solstice. However, here in Karachi, the seasons don't seem to have much of a meaning. It's usually hot, dusty and humid, although thankfully, it isnt much of the latter... yet.

I personally love the spring. Not only does it remind me of the infamous spring breaks during college, it heralds the coming of summer, for one thing, and marks the end of grey winters... altough winter in itself has its own charm.

But anyway, i sit here in front of the computer, hoping sring will emanate-- the spring of unknown suprises, and even, perhaps, passions and joy.

Here's hoping.

curiously uplifted....

I'm grossly cheerful, even though its like 8 o' clock in the morning and I am already in the office. I was listening to two ghazals this morning... many would find them depressing, i found them curiously uplifting...

"Ulfat ki naee manzil ko chala...
Yun baahen daale baahon me...
Dil tornaywaley dekh ke chal,
Hum bhi to paraye hain raahon me..."

Another verse in the same ghazal:

"Hum bhi hai wohi,
tum bhi ho wohi,
ye apni apni quismat hai...
Tum khel rahe ho Khushion se,
hum Doob gae hain aahon me..."

This one was written by Qateel Shifai, according to a freind.

The other was another ghazal/nazam - i dont know the difference... sung by both Nayyara Noor and Shehnaz Begum-

"Gham e duniya se ghab ra kar,
tum he dil ne pukara hai
kahan ho tum?
Chaley ao,
mohobat ka taqaza hai-

Na hai faryaad hoto' par
na ankho mai koi ansoo
zamaney se mila jo gham-
zamaney se mila jo gham-
usse geeto ne gaya hai-

i have no idea who the brilliant writer is- anyone?

BTW- J/J/D - sorry guys, you'll have to wait for the translation. ;-)

AGh

I'm growing old. Couldn't get out of bed until much later than usual, got stopped by a policeman for running a red light, despite my threats i had to pay him off -- 200 rupees which I could have used for a Mickey Dee Meal.

the path

The dark demon has vanished, although I can still feel his presence.

It's almost as if he has ceased to exist and yet there is something that negates and contradicts that thought.

I still feel the power overwhelming me, and the fact of the matter is I think I like being empowered -- not overpowered. The darkness engulfs me, and it no longer scares me.

I am familiar with it now, and am no longer lost. What I have to do is find the path that will take me to my destination, but the destination, you see, is the problem.

There are so many here, and choosing one is very difficult. It is not up to me though, to find the destination, I can only go where I am told to go. It is no longer easy to find my way though.

The paths are dark but there are some small, lamps on the way. They are tricky though, they change colour and they also vanish and never return. And that is what I have to overcome, so I can return to the right path where I can, once again, feel the yellow sunshine among the green leaves of joy.

That path, I am told by the dark demon, is still there... it leads, as I recall, to the top of a hill, where the wind blows, and the sun shines all the time...

Workin Work

I've been at work for the past thirteen hours or so. Sadly enough, despite my complaining, I didn't detest it, even though my dinner plans were fucked, mainly thanks to a congenial co-worker. But then again, the thought of a beach Sunday and dinner later with an old, dear friend cheers me up. However, if I am called in to work tomorrow, there will be hell to pay.

the dark demon

The Dark Demon returned last night. Actually, this was the first time I recognised him. There was almost something familiar about him, as if we had known each other for centuries, but there was an awkwardness there as well.

He knew me too well I thought, and tried to close my mind's eye so that he could not reach inside. But it was too late.

He knew too much; but I wasn't scared. Perhaps I should have been, but I wasn't. It was a relief, actually, to not have to hide anything from anyone anymore. It was as if my mind was, actually, an open book and now it was easy to be myself.

My longings no longer seemed pathetic. They were no longer just mere longings - they were passions, and they were not illusions anymore, they were realities. But part of me was scared. Who was this, who I must have known for centuries? Was it just another me?

Or was it someone who had been with me, even perhaps guided me. But no, he didn't guide me. He was just a mere spectator-perhaps he even had the power to control me and I just didn’t know it... until now.

Ah, Heaven

The weekend looks good... mainly because after two years I have managed after many trials and tribulations to attain Sue Townsend's Adrian Mole and the Weapons of Mass Destruction. Hmm, maybe I will read it on Sunday while I am at the beach and look all pretentious. But then again, who gives a shit what others think?

Dancing in the Dark

Sometimes, writing something that expresses yourself isn't even worth doing, since someone has already expressed it so well for you way back in the day.

I get up in the evening
And I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired
Man, I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there, baby
I could use just a little help

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

Messages just keep getting clearer
Radio's on and I'm moving 'round my place
I check my look in the mirror
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face
Man, I ain't getting nowhere
I'm just living in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere
Baby, I just know that there is

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

You sit around getting older
There's a joke here somewhere
And it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
Come on baby, this laugh's on me

Stay on the streets of this town
And they'll be carving you up alright
They say you gotta stay hungry
Hey baby, I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm sick of sitting 'round here
Trying to write this book
I need a love reaction
Come on now, baby
Gimme just one look

You can't start a fire
Sitting 'round crying over a broken heart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire
Worrying about your little world falling apart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

Hey, baby

Grouch

I am in a grouchy, grouchy mood today.

Even this mug of coffee hasn't helped.

Hopefully, everyone will have enough sense to stay away from me.

i am free!

I am free at last. I hadnt realised how much of a bloggantic - i just coined that phrase - I have become until today, when, despite working for a newspaper, i was told by a common friend that the blogs have been blocked by the PTA. I am so fucking angry that i could probably kill someone. (well, not kill, but you know what i mean.) Well, have lots to blog now (even though it will now be just for the benifit for my friends abroad and those in Pakistan who are desperate enough to use other means to access my page). But anyway. Have to place my second Sehwan sojourn pictures and impressions. I'm excited. :)

BLOCKED !!!!

MY BLOG HAS BEEN BLOCKED! BY THE PTA OR A SIMILAR DIMWITTED ORGANISATION! WHAT UTTER ASSES!

Stupidity Strike

Another Friday without McDonald's. This is just plain pathetic. Not to mention annoying.

A Perfect Sunday

1:00 p.m.: The Perfect breakfast...



With three brand new episodes of the perfect show...

Followed by a perfect beach day...




Shit, if only every day was a Sunday!

Lights out-

Saturday late night, the lights went out. And my laughing Buddha was the only one who enjoyed it!

Shabana Azmi and Farooq Sheikh

Met them in Karachi. For the report in Dawn, click I met both of them--and interviewed them for Images and Dawn.


www.dawn.com/2006/02/21/local8.htm

Will post up the interviews by Monday.


Me looking all guppoo...

Brain Freeze

All I can say is that I can't wait for this week to end. Already. It's already Tuesday and there's so much to do. Aah, they say, that's what you get for strethcing yourself so thin. If only I did stretch myself thin!!!

I saw Tumhari Amrita yesterday. Mesmerising, actually. But what suprised me most was the fact that the audience seemed to laugh at the most tragic moments. When Amrita cries out from help-desperatley-Zulfi just ansewers in his insensitive, self-involved manner by uttering a few self-involved phrases. And the audience laughed. Is it me that's mad or the rest? I fear the former...

Starvation Strike

Okay, so while the pathetic losers who don't have work will lead a "peaceful" strike after a lengthy Juma prayers session, losers like us, who have come to work will have no choice but to starve, since thanks to the strike, most delivery places are closed.

How unbelievably retarded is that?

So here I sit, my stomach growling... hoping for a Quarter Pounder I know will not be mine... not until tomorrow, at least. Or tonight, If I get lucky- ;-)

For the time being, all i can say is: I'm Hatin' It!!

The cartoons or butter?

If I hear anyone talk about the cartoons I think I will spontaneously combust. They've been around since September, so why has it taken us so long to react to them? Secondly, by acting like a bunch of morons with violence as always probably just reinforces everyone's belief that Muslims are a thick-headed, dim-witted and violent race. (Of course the fact that we aren’t really a race is irrelevant.)

Well, my main concern is that Lurpak butter will be banned in Pakistan. But fortunately, that hasn't been the case so far!